Wednesday, October 11, 2006


I know at the end of this entry you'll think "so what?" but I still want to share my discovery. I realized that what we call love or affection is as much about ourselves as the object of our affection. We are actually running after the great feeling of being admired, being loved as a whole person, with our virtues and flaws. When we realize that someone likes us, we immediately start seeing ourselves in the eyes of that person, and we start to think that we are quite lovable, after all. We almost make peace with ourselves then, we start liking ourselves. But the sweet feeling of greatness and accomplishment depends on whether we can trust that person's opinions. Only then do the qualities of the other person become relevant: Are they good-looking? Are they intelligent? Are they intellectual? If they are, then we can start loving ourselves in good faith: If he loves me, no doubt I am lovable! But if they are not, then their love doesn't prove we're as lovable as we'd like to be. Crudely put, it is really about what we would like to be worth and what the market thinks we are worth.

Once someone loves us and we love ourselves in return, we want to maintain that feeling. We want to be loved now, tomorrow, always, just to be able to love ourselves.


Anonymous said...

So loving ourselves is a function dependent upon the love of someone else? Is there a way to internalise this love? Get rid of the burden of proof?
I know what you're saying because I've felt that way too. I'm impressed over the level of introspection you have. People don't want to look that deep inside, it's usually scary, repulsive, or just plain embarassing.

p.s. Now you know you have a new fan on your blog site!

lightcapsule said...

there was a boy
a very strange
enchanted boy
they say he wandered
very far, very far
over land and sea
a little shy and sad of eye
but very wise was he
and then one day
one magic day
he passed my way
while we spoke
of many things
fools and kings
this he said to me
"the greatest thing
you'll ever learn
is just to love and
be loved in return"