Monday, January 21, 2008

Behind closed doors

You know those action movies, where the only weakness of the hero is his loved ones? And how secret service officers are usually picked among orphans?

One evening we found a ten pound bill on the staircase, and started ringing people's bells to see whose it is. Some people weren't home, but one family answered the door. The house was a real house and the family was a real family, in their casual home attire. The kids, some in their teens, the smiling mom trying to understand why we rang their bell. I felt like we put a huge spotlight into their nest, we intruded their privacy, caught them in their most defenseless moment. Just when they felt they didn't have to deal with strangers anymore, just when they felt they could relax.

You can be cool when you're by yourself. You can be all cool and collectively not care when you're sharing a flat with people your age. You can wear your poker faces and pretend you're strong.

Family, though, makes one so weak. You care for these people, you care for your home, you see their flaws and weaknesses, but still you can't imagine what would happen if something happened to any of them. You want to protect them from the world's gaze, sometimes you want to protect them from your own gaze.

I think that's why family can be such an intimate thing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

In this post, you have covered two important topics in my life.

1. House: I guess I am a person who people would call "evcil". Home is an important part of my life. (Although I don't live in an ideal home at the moment) At home, I feel safe, I feel comfortable and relaxed, I feel peaceful. I take off all the masks I wear outside (shoes as well) and become the real me. And I don't like to be disturbed at home by strangers.

2. Family: Although I had close relations with my family, I learned the meaning of family when I was away from them. You wrote "you can't imagine what would happen if something happened to any of them". That's exactly the reason for why I do not want to have my own family at the moment. I don't want to be weak. Maybe I am already weak, I don't know.

Anyway, I just started reading your blog. Keep up the good work.